Google Knows 5 Reasons Why My Legs Itch

Google Knows 5 Reasons Why My Legs Itch

So, my legs have been itching lately. Sweet itching… feels good but it’s annoying! So, I decided to ask Google why this is happening and these were the results: Google’s Answer 1. You’re 2. Dying 3. Bro 4. But go see a Doctor. 5. Related searches (Next person please) I’ll do #4 as it’s my …

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I Miss Peeing In The River

I Miss Peeing In The River

I miss Enugu – I miss the melodic Igbo Christian songs that blared from loudspeakers in marketplaces, and bus parks. – I miss the jealous stares of the market women whose eyes wander, questioning why Mama Ebuka is selling more fish than everyone else. – I miss the muddy waters that turn your eyes red …

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What Happens When Nepa Takes Light

What Happens When Nepa Takes Light

It’s 1:17AM in the morning and I’m up wondering how I’d die. It’s not bothering me. I just choose to think about it. I can’t sleep and I’m just wondering… a good man like me. Not good as in all-around good in and out. I just have a good heart and I know it. It’s …

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Everybody Lives in Lagos

Everybody Lives in Lagos

I spent my teenage years in the town of Mowe. A very popular town in Ogun State. Before we all joined my father in the town in 2004, everyone called it Lagos. Everyone that lives there seems to call it Lagos because Lagos is more recognized than the town. For decades, the town has existed …

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This is Why I Hate Dogs

This is Why I Hate Dogs

When Chewy, my mother’s goat fell sick for days, we ended her misery and ate her. Tasha ate too. When our fattest chicken was attacked by a snake overnight, we killed her and ate her. Tasha ate along. Tasha fell sick after Christmas. She took her injections, and sneaked out to the neighbours’. She hasn’t …

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What Happens On The Road To Ijebu Ode

What Happens On The Road To Ijebu Ode

It’s amazing how we all enter a bus without speaking to each other or looking at each others’ faces until something disturbing happens. it could be a gunshot or something funny like a stinking fart, then everyone loses it. We begin to consult each other aggressively. In case of a fart, someone thinks out loud …

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Why My Mother Fights Soldiers

Why My Mother Fights Soldiers

My Mother sells food on the way to the Barracks, 9 years now. Whenever Soldiers aren’t coming to the restaurant they’ll be leaving. Some tall, some short. They all have one thing in common: They never know what they want to eat. Oh yeah, and they are ugly. So that’s two things They walk in …

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Artistes never get nervous, probably

Artistes never get nervous, probably

When an artiste is about to go on stage you’ll hear the fans screaming and waiting for the artiste to come on stage and sing hit songs. The songs the audience already know. Everybody starts jeering and cheering as soon as the artiste hit the stage. The artiste, now loaded with excitement starts singing and …

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Why I Stopped Writing

Why I Stopped Writing

I write, not because I’m Imaginative or brilliant or Introverted or whatever. I write because there is another version of myself that a lot of people don’t know about. There is this ME in me that is very quiet, muffled and unfit for society. Have you seen me dance before? God! It’s awful. I’m so …

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Jessica

Jessica

Neighbours are unpredictable; especially the friendly ones with their sweet country songs and decorated compounds. They could slaughter a man with a kitchen knife, drag his body to the back of the house to chop his corpse to pieces before burning him when you’d wave from across the yard and they would wave back with …

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